Postpartum body image thoughts:
I don’t think I ever realized how much worth I put in my body/looks. For years, my fitness ability was my job. Every before and after, every crazy yoga pose, every lb dropped postpartum… it made me money.
This is the first postpartum that my recovery hasn’t been monetized, therefore it hasn’t been tracked. I go back and forth with myself a lot. Is this good? Should I track more? But then, I’m discouraged all over again, and let’s be super clear… most women heal much more slowly the 2nd or 3rd time around. It just takes longer. Which makes tracking discouraging… so, all I try to do is eat enough food (mainly follow @westonaprice diet for breastfeeding mothers) and move 4 times a week (2 outdoor walks ALONE and 2 at home barre workouts). The good news here is that I feel healthier and I feel stronger, but it still doesn’t feel like enough.
You think I’d have seen some progress by 5 months, but it feels sooooooooo far away. I didn’t realize how it was affecting how I feel about everything, as if because I’m not succeeding at looking like me again (even a little, trust me, I’m not rushing this), then maybe I suck at work, at loving my kids, at homeschooling, at all the things… you get the picture.
Then today, the coolest thing happened. While holding this precious girl for the hundredth time as she nursed at my breast, I FELT beautiful. I felt soft and loving and safe and protective and HOME for her, and it made me feel beautiful.
As I put her down for bed, I decided. I don’t need to look beautiful. I feel beautiful and that is better. My body was given to me with a purpose. Let me steward it well and be thankful for it, rather than store it up as some sort of “treasure” on this earth.
“Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God? YOU ARE NOT YOUR OWN,” 1 Cor. 6:19
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