I planned on writing a weekly update while on my social media fast, but with Christmas, my husband starting a second job, having 3 children, and getting through covid, I’m just now getting around to it.
I have officially been fasting from social media for over 3 weeks. I was very clear on what I wanted this time to be and NOT to be.
My goals:
•Be more present with my family
•Spend more time journaling, praying, and reading God’s word
•Intentionally pray for my loved ones
•Take inventory of my PPD and anxiety to evaluate what I need to do to heal further
I did NOT want to:
•Run from social media
•Fill my time with other distractions
•Isolate from loved ones
So far, I’ve been on track. I’d like to share a few things that I observed and experienced.
•I talk to God A LOT more! I already pray throughout most days, but eliminating documenting my day for the world, has me turning to God more. Here’s an example:
The Wednesday before Christmas I had to take all 3 girls to Costco. Yes… Costco with all 3 kids. Now, if you don’t know, my girls are 6, 4, and 7 months. Doing anything with all 3 of them by myself is INTENSE. But Costco?! Before Christmas? Sureeeeeeeee. Add in Omicron and people being more nervous and stressed than usual, I knew it wasn’t an ideal environment for shopping with little people. But, it couldn’t be helped since we shop there for groceries and our fridge was empty. Needless to say, I was NERVOUS.
I set clear expectations. We practiced how we would behave. We prepared. Overkill? I think not. And y’all, the girls were amazing. I was SO proud of them for looking out for other people and staying close to the cart. God sent 2 kind strangers to help in the store. We made it through the madness and the girls even helped me load the car. After I praised the girls profusely and we were driving home, I just started praying. Thanking God for his grace and protection. Scripture and hymns were flooding my brain and heart and I realized that I would have missed that before. Why? I would have taken that moment of worship and turned it into a post. I would have shared it with y’all, immediately. Instead, I processed through it, gave praise where it was due, worshipped my God, and then, now, weeks later I’m telling you.
Does it change how amazing God was in that moment? No. Does it change how proud of my girls I am? No. Does it change the fact that I was given a glimpse into the fact that I’m not in fact ruining or failing my children? No.
I just have more time with God.
•I knew I used social media as a distraction from my feelings, especially bad ones, but I had no idea how deep they run.
After having Thea, using social media was an escape. I got to encourage others and commiserate with moms who feel similarly. It helped me not feel alone in my mental struggles. When I would feel claustrophobic or anxious, I’d tap the app and distract myself and often it would keep me from going further into an attack. While that was helpful for a time, I knew that it was no longer serving me well. I need to deal with these feelings and use different coping mechanisms.
The very first week I fasted from social media, I had more panic attacks than in the previous few months combined. But then something amazing happened…
As I had a claustrophobic panic attack during worship at church, I remember stumbling through the phrase “Satan will not take this from me.” I prayed “God, take this from me”. And as I’ve felt only once before (when God healed me from my abortion), I felt light and warmth flood my body. I questioned if it was really happening, just like I did before, which by the way if I haven’t shared that story, I need to… but sure enough, I could breathe again. And I knew, my claustrophobic panic attacks are gone!!! Even thinking of flying to a work trip doesn’t fill me with terror now. God is so faithful!
Do I think fasting from social media healed me from them? No. I think God did. He needed me to be present with Him where He has me. Being present, even in the suck, is still a time to be WITH Him and He can and will work all things for the good. I can’t run away/distract myself simply because it’s hard and I don’t like it.
I’ll stop there for now, but I hope to continue to share observations moving forward. It’s strange not sharing my thoughts every day with the world.
Also, the original plan was a 30 day fast, but I’m praying through when to return. I know there is still work for me to do and I also have some new projects I’m working on for my business that need implementing before I fall back into my old (albeit, updated) routine.